Today I sang through three octaves from f3 to g6 in my legit soprano voice, with no unnecessary air, no space, and no fatigue in the sound. With my teacher's tutelage and a little determination, two months of lessons has turned into Italian arias and This is My Beloved, from Kismet... probably the most challenging song I have ever undertaken. (That one's for you, Dad).
Here's the kicker - I almost didn't go.
As per usual the weekend subway schedule was on the fritz and I had just spent four hours teaching my kids at Life Sciences High School about the SAT. I wanted a nap! As much as my body and brain wanted to lie on my bed and shut down for the next few hours, the universe saw fit to send me a little determination - in the form of my SAT class.
Today's session was the last class; the grandaddy of review on all things SAT. When we got to the essay assignment, I felt a rush of emotion and argument brim to the forefront of my mind.
The question: "Should a person's worth be determined by their productivity?"
Such a question has long plagued me as I pursue this thing that I love. I can't help but feel sometimes that I am not contributing enough to the world around me, that I should be doing something less selfish with my post graduate life.
Fortunately my kids are walking reminders that every life has inherent value. They arguably have every thing working against them; fewer resources, larger class size, parents working multiple jobs that do not afford them the time to sit with their children and make sure they do work. Some have no access to internet, some cannot be confident that their parents will have enough rent for the next month.
Yet they persevere. They have met with me every Saturday morning for the past two months, wrestling with concepts they've never seen before. They improve, slowly, but steadily, and I get to watch their scores go up with each new practice test.
My students remind me that each person has within them the capacity to improve themselves. By choosing to make such improvements, however minute they may seem, we shift the delicate balance of our environment ever so imperceptibly. A person smiled at is a person happier - even if it's for a brief moment - and that person might in turn be moved to bring happiness to another. I find resolve and hope in the exponential effects that daily efforts toward one's betterment can bring.
There will be days when the idea of getting out of bed at 5am to get ready for an Equity Casting Call for Wicked could not be farther away from what you want to do. Our choices on these days define us. Will we wake and motivate, or do we rest and shut the door in the face of opportunity?
To combat the exhaustion that is at times unavoidable, I remember these two mantras:
- The answer is always no, unless you ask the question.
- Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. (Thomas Edison, courtesy of a particularly kind monitor at a recent Guys & Dolls audition.)
If you're ever having a hard time motivating and need a little daily affirmation, this little girl may be just the thing:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?
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