Languishing in indecision... do I admit defeat and say, hooray, I got one job at the Metropolitan Opera? I can say that at least I tried... do I go back to grad school? Or do I give it a few more weeks, months, years?
For each of us, the decision takes a different tack. Dancing is not a thing that can be done forever, the body physically cannot withstand it. Yes you can teach, blah blah blah, but to perform and perform well, each of us has a tremendously finite window of opportunity.
I have heard many a dancer philosophize that if you have a back-up plan, you'll never truly make it because you'll never NEED every dance job so badly that you cannot help but go hard or go home. I get the logic in that, though the sentiment still escapes me.
So... my heart's not in it. If I'm honest, my heart hasn't been "in it" for months, not since I was in final callbacks for Can Can at Broadway Theater and didn't get that call we all hope to get.
I could go to the Mary Poppins auditions this week, even though I know they're not actually casting. I could go through the paces, taking class, hitting up auditions to tell myself I'm just racking in "no's" as I progress toward my next "yes"... but that is not quite doing it for me anymore.
Instead, I'll be glad I've found another extension of my position at Kaplan where I can make good money doing data analysis. I'll work 9 hours a day, at a desk, in business casual, every day before I go to Tanzania, Africa. I'll try to deserve my twenty day siesta.
Eight days and counting until it's good bye New York City, hello Serengeti.
Hugs,
A Broadway Baby
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