Under Construction

As I left my hatha yoga class this afternoon, I took with me the gifts of refreshed awareness, focus on being "present" in this moment in my life, and a renewed love of sunshine. It occurred to me how incredible it was that I could perceive such a marked change my ease of breath after only an hour or so of treating my body with kindness, instead of punishing it (which I usually do).

This glowy yoga bubble was soon punctured by the sounds of jackhammers, the garish bruises of blue and black tarp slathered across building fronts all along my block, and dudes in hard hats bellowing out across sawhorses at each other and smoking on fire escapes.

It was in that moment that I realized that this city, unlike any other place I have lived or visited, thrives on an inescapable sense of being under construction. It's the palpable forward-thinking energy born and bred here. When I first came to New York six years ago, I could not get enough of the city's vibrant pulse and the motivated people who seemed to push life forward by their will alone. Before I knew it, I was catering to that energy and lost in trying to make myself into something bigger, better, and more impressive instead of being okay with who I was from moment to moment.

Being reminded of the benefits of practicing self awareness has completely cemented my decision that it is not only okay to take "rest" days, it is critical to one's mental and physical health. Granted, I only have from when I woke up this morning until 1:45pm today to do exactly what I want to do, as opposed to what I feel I have to do in order to move forward. At 1:45pm, I gear back into the traditional expectation of what life looks like; commitments to follow up on, promises to keep, miles to go before I sleep. Sure, my schedule looks different from the good old 9 to 5, but like most, I have some preparation to do for work, several clients to work with, and if time is on my side, a dance class to sneak in between my last two clients of the day. What I don't want is to wake up one day years from now and be incapable of recognizing myself.

Taking these two years post graduation to pursue dancing and performing - something that feels unapologetically selfish for really the first time in my life - has been rewarding in so many unexpected ways. Though the sassy know-it-all girl is still very much alive and well in some corners of my personality, I have been humbled so thoroughly that I am on my way to becoming a better, kinder, more patient, more understanding person. Of course, like New York, I still have a long way to go before I'm "finished," but somehow the harsh contrast between the very accepting and open practice of yoga and self-care on the backdrop of a very harsh and unforgiving perfection-focused city made me all the more grateful for the luxury of conscious self discovery and self acceptance.