Bundles of Beginnings

At some point in my tutoring work this evening, I came across the quote

"We are each of us bundles of beginnings."

After the day I've had, that completely resonated with me. I had almost forgotten the rush that one can get simply from the fulfillment of a productive day.

This week is quiet - audition wise - so I've had to be more proactive about creating a regimen than I usually am. Monday was a bit more relaxed; yoga in the morning, bill paying, planning, a vocal technique and performance class, then a tutoring client. Today felt different though.. somewhere between two dance classes, checking errands off my to do list, tutoring four students, practicing the piano, and learning new songs on the ukulele, I hit a stride and couldn't stop singing.

**Context: I've been working through some pretty aggressive frustration with my seemingly unending back pain. **

Application: I went to this ACTING FOR DANCERS class at Broadway Dance Center today, and managed to find a beginning in what had been feeling like an end. The teacher, Bronwen Carson, is a stunning dancer/choreographer, but also leads a really instructive, safe acting class. Tuesday's class focuses on putting words and intention to movement.

I was hesitant about getting up before the group because it was my first time, but she essentially gave me permission to be exactly the emotional wreck I needed as I danced to the realization that I'm terrified my chronic pain will end my dancing career. It would have probably seemed odd to the outside observer, but I definitely felt a sense of communion with my fellow dancers in the room. It was an elemental experience to work out my frustrations with my physical ailments using movement instead of words. Equal parts therapy and empowerment to work through things from the inside out for a change.

It was also the first time I can remember where I did not look in the mirror. Once.

Bundles of beginnings.

I like that.

Bronwen said something today in class, how most of life is unresolved, and there really are no "brownie bites" of certainty.

What I took from the experience is that it's really no good for me to go through life looking for those certainty moments that I love so much.

Instead, I do myself a service to work toward accepting that life is a journey that has some certainty rest stops, but really only one final destination.