What Constitutes Success?

Yesterday one of my SAT students made my day when I watched math light bulbs go off over her head. She schooled me in simple gratitude with a smile and the offer of a piece of gum.

Last week, I noticed that one of my other students had stopped taking her practice test after 2 of the 10 sections. So after all the other students left yesterday, she and I talked about why she stopped working on her test. At first, she shrugged and said she wasn't sure. When I pressed she said that she was tired of being told she can't do things all the time. Her teachers apparently always tell her that she is a failure. She, like so many students in the faltering public school system these days, has become accustomed to a culture of defeat and hopelessness as she swallows one let down after another.

It broke my heart to see the shame and disillusionment in her downcast expression as she fiddled with the angel wing she always wears around her neck. Then I asked her, is it easier to guess or just not do the work, then you know that if you fail it's not your fault? She said "yeah, I guess."

After a beat, I told her that being in class is half the battle.  The next step is a willingness to do the work. I asked her if she'd be willing to do the work to edit her essay before the next class, and she said yes. I swear she walked a little taller as she left the room.

The most surprising part of that whole interaction was my own lightbulb... that I too need to be as patient, if not more patient than I ask my students to be. I too need to take obstacles and failures in stride and retain my willingness to do the work. I can't expect a role on Broadway to just fall in my lap. I have to consistently do the best that I can do, and be satisfied with knowing that I've acted my song or danced a combination to the best of my ability.

After watching the Wedding Singer and the Columbia Ballet Collaborative at my alma mater the night before, all I wanted to do today was feel graceful and powerful... like I was a good dancer again. Instead, I got frustrated in ballet today, because my body just won't do what I wanted it to. What I know that it can do. My dance teacher noticed and pulled me aside to get me to let go of all the frustration because it was manifesting as physical tension and distorting the line/ease of my dancing.  My searing desire to be good was actually inhibiting my ability to progress.

The combination of my kids' bravery in the face of their own disappointments and the intuition of my ballet teacher helped me realize that my desire to be competitive - to be the best - is getting in the way of me being able to do my best.

This new awareness paves the way for next week's Cats auditions! I'm going to bed suuuuper early to wake up for tomorrow's singing call at around 4am.  Yes, I want this job, I know I would be GREAT in this tour. But more importantly, I know that I have to make next week a time for me focus on doing the best that I am capable of doing, and to be happy with that true success, even if I don't get the job.

I'll leave you with my inspiration for the difference between "winning" and "true success," courtesy of Coach Wooden on TED Talks.... (stumbleupon & perezhilton ain't got nothin on TED Talks' superior platform for procrastination)


http://www.ted.com/talks/john_wooden_on_the_difference_between_winning_and_success.html

Cheers to being your best, instead of being better than someone else's.


Love,

A Broadway Baby