You're not crazy, I promise. You're dealing with the ennui of our generation... coupled with the instinctual, survivalistic impulse to keep yourself constantly stimulated and perpetually in motion. Add that to the attempt to balance your determination with the pragmatic realization that money makes the world go around and :: woosh :: suddenly life can look like a bad Three Stooges parody.
There will be times when stress makes sweet, sweet love to your sympathetic nervous system, giving birth to lots of doubt babies. These are questions that are not easy to grapple with, as I'm sure you know. Every month or so, my favorite doubt baby briefly scampers across my mind space: why did I not take that exceedingly well paid contract offer to be a restaurant manager, again? That's part of la vie boheme... everyone doubts their choices, it's natural and necessary to reflect on the past so that you can gain indispensable insight for your future.
What it comes down to for all of us is to determine the most fulfilling thing you see yourself doing in the long term, and what kind of foundation you need to do whatever it is you want to accomplish. I chose to take my rogue path down the dancer + jane of all trades lane, because I already have some injuries and time is not on my side. However, I'm fortunate to have parents who instilled in me the importance of being responsible and prepared for a rainy day, and I've managed to accumulate enough savings to support myself through this adventure.
The harsh reality of this industry is that unless Mom and Dad are financing you, money will always be on your mind. As much as it can't buy you love, having money makes life a heck of a lot easier. I had a conversation with a dancer friend who realized over tea today that almost all of her "to do" list revolves around money - figuring out how to get it, how to budget it, and how to save enough to do what she needs to do. The concern about money can plague performers until we book that dream job and even after we sign our contracts, but wish me luck, the same to you - won't regret, can't regret what we did for love.
It sounds scary, but as long as you make a financial plan and stick to it, it's actually a LOT of fun to figure out how to pay your rent. Perspective is everything! When you work a lot of different jobs, you meet fantastic people... a smoldering Cuban here, half of the cast of Naked Boys Singing there, and if you're lucky, an Academy Award winning actress like Frances McDormand will compliment you on your hair and enormous eye balls!
As you're working toward your own success goal by goal, don't lose sight of what you love along the way. Make sure that what makes you most happy is what you spend a good amount of your time doing... and remember that some of the most influential people in the world didn't find their footing until quite late in the game. Pythagoreus was decades older than most of us dancers are now when he figured out his theorem, Edison didn't invent a lightbulb that could actually turn on until he was almost 42 ... I mean, Einstein did not even speak until he was four years old, and look what he accomplished!
The key to surviving my survival job[s] has been to find something fulfilling that I can do to offset the occasional, inevitable brain drain. If you've got other passions and interests, keep yourself informed on important developments that relate to them. Read the news, practice your craft, go to a museum, or learn a song every few weeks on the ukulele, like yours truly.
*BTW if you ever want to pick up the ukulele, it's pretty darn easy, and the youtube tutorial videos are fantastic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35xvWUXfQTw&NR=1, http://www.beatlesite.info/ *
A good friend once told me that balancing out your life is like cooking on multiple burners of a stove. If you find that your survival job is using up wayyy too much gas from your stove, then you might want to consider redistributing your priorities. I know I ultimately want to teach and work in education reform, so my education back burner is always running on low. I read a lot of information, store away pertinent stories that I don't have time for in a document to be read when I do have time, I follow current trends in research, etc. Adapt my strategy to find the balance that is most ideal for you.
In this country, in this era, we have the fortune to be able to do almost anything we want. The idea of a rigid career path is outmoded. As such, you have an entire life as an almost infinite canvas to paint your experiences on.
I say go grab some different sized brushes, some glitter, and a rainbow of colored paints and get to work!
"like"
ReplyDelete